There is something lingering in the back of my mind that should not be there that should not exist in the mind that is mine. It is there none the less so I will just deal with it like I always do. I miss my husband, the bed is cold, the fact that there is little to no intlligent conversation with the people I work with the fact that I miss him a great deal and I know that htere is a light at the end of the tunnel and I can see it (I think that I can see it it makes it worse).

Define Faith:
Faith is the light at the end of the tunnel that you know is there without being able to see it. You look down the long tunnel in which you travel and realize that you do not see the light but somehow you know its there, you know it exists and you can not explain how you know.

Define Frustration:
Frustration is when you are traveling down that long dark road and you see a light down there at the end of the tunnel and you know its there you can see its there but you can tell that those lights are so bloody far away its going to be a long ass time till you get to the end of that road.

Define loss of faith:
When you start to believe that the light you see....isn't the end of the tunnel but a frieght train coming at you - oh and there is no escape hatch.

So with this I shall not go to bed but struggle to sleep

"All they gave me was this ticket to heaven, and said lie in the bed that you made"

Perhaps this won't show up like I want it to bue oh well, no one else reads my blogs any more anyhow. I'm killing myself with work recently, 2xupderdivision courses and one POL course this term, oh yeah and that little thing that takes up about 12 hours of the day called work.

Hm...Its ok, I'll be gone again soon! Thank good ness. I think there is only so much I can take and then I get tired of it. I can't wait till Russell gets back, or I leave here, either way, there is an end to the tunnel and I know its not a freight train!

Theres nothing more depressing than depressed company.... so I deal with it and I try to stay out of her way so she doesn't bite my head off too. Such is life.

This year is going to be a long one regardless of any type of training or trips that may take me away....there is no reason for me to be sad about anything other than my love being so far away and so far away and so far away.
This is my theraputic outlet right now, it seems to be the only one I have. I work, I work out and I do my school work. All along not learning as much as I should for the money they pay for it. I tried signing up for piano, but that fell through, good thing it did because I might be gone as early as mid-month. Between leave/deployments and TDY's I am never or rarely home. Its the life I lead here. I don't mind it because Russell is not here and I can deal with it. It makes time go by...hopefully the next 12-18 months will go by in a blink of an eye.

I find that I have no one to talk to really, no friends to go "hang out" with here in this state. My brother and I were talking on the phone the other day and he said "I'm so jealous of your psudeo single life" Mind you I was on the way to go bowling with some of my subordinates (moral building and all) so I wasn't really going to have fun fun even though I had fun. Grrrr.

Random thoughts

Has there ever been a rain without a cloud?
Is there ever a tear without a drop?

Does the soul forget the things its learned,
the good the bad, happy and sad
that is has learned over time when it is set free?

Will it ever change?



" American girls and American guys we will always stand up and salute we will always recognize...now this nation that I love has fallen under attack...soon as we could see clearly through our big black eye man we lit up your world like the fourth of July!!!"